Delegation Is Hard When You’re a “Control Freak” With Trauma
Not a cutesy take today Bestie!
When I say control freak, I don’t mean the Pinterest version.
I’m not talking color-coded planners or micromanaging group projects.
I mean the kind of control that’s rooted in fear.
The kind that comes from having to survive by keeping everything in check—because if you didn’t, everything fell apart.
And here’s the truth nobody glamorizes:
You don’t get better at delegating by getting more efficient.
You get better by having real, heavy-hitting conversations with yourself first.
That means sitting with the parts of you that don’t trust anyone.
That panic at the thought of letting go.
That associate rest with failure and help with disappointment.
If you’re not willing to get honest with yourself about why you grip everything so tightly, you’ll never be able to loosen your hold without spiraling.
If you’ve experienced early trauma, you probably learned to rely on yourself because trusting others felt too risky. This isn’t stubbornness—it’s a survival instinct.
People with trauma often develop what psychologists call “avoidant attachment,” which means they shut down the part of themselves that asks for help. It’s a defense built from the belief that being vulnerable equals danger. So control becomes the only way to feel safe. According to Thais Gibson, for Forbes, “It's crucial to understand that acknowledging needs and embracing interdependence signifies leadership strength.”
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why delegating feels impossible.
It’s not just about handing off tasks—it feels like giving up control and risking everything falling apart. Deep down, there’s this distrust that others won’t do the job right, and that fear makes you take on more than you can handle.
This survival mindset ends up blocking collaboration and keeps your workload overwhelming. Understanding this pattern is the first step toward breaking it down.
And that’s why this “delegate to scale” advice doesn’t hit for everyone.
Because no one talks about what it actually costs you to hand over a task.
Here’s what delegation looks like when you’re someone like me:
Triple-checking their work even though they’ve never messed up.
Feeling guilty for not doing it all yourself.
Sitting in anxiety while someone else handles something you care about.
Wanting to take it back, even if you’re drowning.
It’s not cute.
It’s uncomfortable.
And it’s healing work.
But here’s the part they don’t teach you:
You can rebuild your capacity to trust. Slowly. On your own terms.
Start with small things you don’t care about.
Start with people who show you, over time, that they’re consistent.
Start with a backup plan in place if you need it—that’s not weakness, that’s regulation.
The goal isn’t to blindly delegate.
It’s to create safety around support.
And safety takes time.
If you’re learning how to let go and you hate it every step of the way—
you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just doing it while changing your mindset to believe help is safe.
At Luna Young Assist, we work with people who’ve had to be strong for too long.
Who are ready to stop doing everything alone,
but still scared to stop.
If that’s where you’re at, I got you! Check out The Productivity Re-Alignment Kit, and send me a message below!
Stay Focused,
LuLu 🩷
